The Weighting

He Knows How Fat You Are

2010-03-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

I heard this "doctor" person on the radio the other day talking about cellulite. I put that parenthesis in, because I don't have his credentials in front of me and it could be a Dubious Doctor sort but regardless, they had him on talking about cellulite treatments.
Know what he said ?
He said they don't work.

That kind of made me laugh, because I always really thought they didn't work and I can't say why. I don't have some greater insight but he explained at length about how only diet and losing weight will actually reduce the amount of cellulite you carry but that even THAT might not reduce the dimpling of the cellulite that remains. Surgery (liposuction) is the only TRUE way to remove it short of dieting. It's hereditary, get over it girls.

But as he and the guy DJs were discussing it, one of the DJs says "You know, I just don't get why it's such a big deal." And the Doctor says,"I know. I never once looked at a woman naked for the first time and thought 'Hmmmm, no, too much cellulite...........'". And then they all traded tales of how they weren't a bit worried or bothered by it. That it wasn't something they SOUGHT OUT but that they really really really didn't care about it.

They pointed out - that it's almost 100% OUR PROBLEM as women. We hate it bcse we think they hate it. They in turn, can hardly give a fig.

This then, reminded me of a story - about 15 years old. Or more. Maybe 20. From back in the days when you had ANSWERING machines and only people who paid serious extra premiums on their phone bill had VOICE MAIL.

Once Upon a Time......at 4am.......my phone rang and my answering machine picked up.
I was alone, as my roommate worked 3rd shift. I thought it might be her so I woke up to listen.....it was a friend hundreds of miles away sobbing and sobbing and sobbing.......repeating "He LEFT! HE LEFT!!!"

So I jumped up and picked up the phone.......to have her recount this story.
Girl meets boy in bar. Boy buys girl drinks. One things leads to another. They go back to her place. Fooling around and nudity ensues........he goes to the bathroom. And then, she SWEARS - he left.
Now........there are a lot of explanations possible. He got sick and puked. She passed out drunk and time passed and she doesn't realize it........you get it. LOTS of possibilities. But she's sobbing on the phone, this girl I love like a sister, sobbing hysterically and asks me "Do you think he left because when I was naked he thought I was too fat?"

Don't laugh. She was serious.

In my heart, I wanted to reassure her that he knew EXACTLY how big her ass was and was not before he bought drink #1.. He KNEW the deal. He was INTO it or he wouldn't have spent a dime. No, some other explanation was more likely - no way did her suddenly lack of a swimsuit model body send him screaming into the streets. She isn't a beast anyway.

What is messed up is that we do this to ourselves, this mindless beating ourselves up over what we look like - so such an extent that a really explainable event (I'm going with he PUKED) becomes and indictment of our looks.

He knows how fat you are. And he doesn't care about your cellulite. If you care about it - put down the cookies. It's really that simple.

No Bake Cheese Cake - Without a Mix

2010-03-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

I got a really good recipe for No Bake Cheesecake that I thought I'd share!
No, not low fat.
So don't eat it all!

You take

1 pkg Philly Cream cheese
1/2 cup sour cream
1/3 cup lemon juice
1 can of eagle brand milk

and you mix it all up until it's smooth. Then you pour it into a large graham cracker crust and let it set up in the fridge a couple of hours. It's got a rich flavor that I think is tasty. The lemon gives it just a little bite!

How To Make Alfredo Without a Recipe

2010-02-23T04:32:00.000-08:00

It's no secret that I can't cook.
So the few things I CAN cook tend to be shockingly good, and often I don't have a recipe.
I'm going to teach you how to make alfredo,the way I was taught.
No,it isn't low fat. Don't eat a gallon of it.

You'll need.

A carton of heavy whipping cream
Butter (or margerine - whatever, but butter is better)
Salt
Garlic powder (you can use fresh garlic but then it's YOUR recipe)
Parmesan Cheese (the kind in the green can, not fresh or again,it's YOUR recipe lol)

Pour the cream into a pan and turn on medium heat until it's warm but not bubbly. DO NOT LET IT BOIL.

Once it's reasonably hot, drop in about two TBSPs of butter/margerine and stir until they melt.

Now, this next part is all to taste. Remember, you can add more - you cannot TAKE OUT once it's in, so go light.

Shake in some garlic powder, sat and parmesan - and stir. Make sure the parmesan gets completely mixed and isn't stuck in lumpy bits. You might need to turn up the heat slightly to facilitate this.

Now, taste it.

Continue to add garlic powder and parmesan until you've used about 3/4 of the can of parmesan- or to the place where it tastes RIGHT to you. Remember, each time you add, stop, stir, get all the ingredients fully mixed and taste. If it's not right, add a little more.

The cream will thicken with the additions, and you'll find yourself realizing when the taste is where you want it pretty quickly. After it is where you want it, let it cook another five or ten minutes, stirring constantly, to thicken it further and voila.

Best Alfredo Ever.

The Cereal That Rocks Me

2010-01-17T09:41:00.000-08:00

Ok so, when you're pregnant, it's important to remember that there is stuff you just gotta ingest daily for your own health and that of the baby. You need calcium (bcse if you don't get enough that little symbiant is gonna suck it right out of your bones) and the baby needs folic acid especially early on.

When I was pregnant with my twins, we travelled a lot - there were a lot of weekends at Disney as we lived about an hour away and it was great fun. But it's hard to get all the stuff you NEED at places like that sometimes - especially if, oh you're absentminded and forget your vitamins.

I know, none of you ever EVER messed up and forgot your prenatals on any given day - so this is clearly a message to us slackers out there. Yeah, I forgot my prenatals when we travelled to Disney.

Know what I learned? Captain Crunch cereals contain 100% of your RDA of Folic acid! Guess what other cereals pack in that much? Pretty much none of them - except things like Total and others that are very health conscious. But let's just say you are marooned in kidland. You're trying to obtain folic acid in your first trimester without the aid of vitamins. Oranges, orange juice.......and Voila - CAPTAIN CRUNCH.

Yes, it's got sugar. Lighten up. ONE BOWL OF CEREAL will neither rot your teeth nor make you weigh 800 pounds. It's 150 calories with vitamin D milk for 3/4 cup of cereal. That's plenty.

Right it's got carbs. Carbs aren't going to hurt you. Ask a dietician. Don't LIVE on carbs.

Moderation in all things my friends. If we could learn that - we wouldn't have to diet at all, now would we?

Captain Crunch is delicious, it tastes like a ridiculous treat and it isn't all that bad for you. It's not as good for you as a bowl of broccoli but it tastes about 10000 time better.

Guess waht I love for breakfast this pregnancy?

You got it - Captain Crunch.

Deeelish.

But no, I don't forget my prenatals anymore.

Maternity Pants For The Win

2009-12-27T09:34:00.000-08:00

Ok so did you know that maternity pants have DRAMATICALLY changed? Well they have. First off, it's next to impossible to find maternity clothes unless you are a size 10 so kudos to Motherhood Maternity for making that possible.
You'd think Walmart would get on that bandwagon considering the large number of fat-asses THEY have as clients (we know who we are - don't we girls?) and anway, last time I bought maternity pants, damn -they had that big old weird panel in the front that never was in the right place or was the right size until, oh say the LAST two weeks of pregnancy.

But no - this new secret fit style of maternity pants is genius.
They just simply stretch and give all around so that even at 5 months pregnant they FIT and stretch and don't fall down, which rules. I can't believe what a difference they make.

It almost makes maternity clothes fun.

The Wearing of the Clown Pants

2009-12-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

Sigh.
I'm 20 weeks pregnant and I'm in my REGULAR clothes.
Why?
BECAUSE I've lost weight. You might think I'd be all happy and excited but I'm not.
From what I can tell this is just justifying my husband's ascertation that my pants were big like clown pants.

And denying me my last round of maternity clothes.

Dammit.

My doctor is thrilled. He's SO damn happy with my weight loss.

Sigh.

I WANT MY MATERNITY CLOTHES!

So Lay Off Those Oreos

2009-11-23T19:57:00.000-08:00

When I went for my 8 week prenatal appt, my OBGYN (who I had only met once) sat and lectured me sternly about my weight and my weight gain etc etc and how he didn't want me gaining more than 15 pounds blah blah blah blah blah.

He have me lots of advice (TAKE WALKS duh) and other stuff - including LAY OFF THE OREOS which I have found hilarious and I must confess that every time I eat something I should not, I remind myself that I was forbidden from OREOS - not say SNICKERS, et al.

But when I stood up - and he saw me........he said rather shocked that based on my weight he had expected to see a much "bigger" woman......and that he didn't know how much weight I was carrying in my chest but it had to be considerable.

I translate that as doctor talk for OMG YOU HAVE HUGE BOOBS.

I swear to GOD after this baby comes I might get them done.

Anyone want some extra boob?

Sick and tired of BEING sick and tired.

2009-10-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

Hello again. It seems like it's been years since I last posted here. Actually, it very well could've been at the very least a year. Since the last time I posted, I've had a beautiful baby girl. She's 8 months old now. So, I can no longer use the excuse that I "just" had a baby for my extra weight. I've tried just about every diet known to man to lose the extra pounds I've been carrying around for the last 4 years. When it came down to it, I just wasn't ready to let go of it all. There's alot of emotional baggage in these pounds, and if I wasn't ready to let the baggage go, the weight wasn't going any where either.
I am ready to let go of emotional baggage and people that hold me back. I add the people, because there are several people in my life that are toxic to me. They make me like I'm not good enough for them. Like I am a disappointment somehow. Well, this is goodbye to all of them. This is goodbye to the baggage that weighs me down. This is goodbye to the extra 75 pounds I've been carrying since my oldest daughter was born. HELLO NEW APRIL!!!
I've just started a diet. Old habit die hard, I am finding. (like eating some icing as I am icing the cupcakes for my eldest daughter's preschool class.) But for the most part, I'm sticking to it. I'm already a little sick to my stomach from the spoonfull of icing...YUCK!! The diet I am on was prescribed to a good friend of mine by her doctor. She and I had alot of the same health issues. So, I got her talking about it. I asked a TON of questions. I came to the conclusion that what is wrong with her, could be wrong with me as well. So, that night, I talked to the husband about it. We decided to give it a go. No yeast (or byproducts) no gluten, so sugar. I am not eating anything prepackaged. I'm eating fresh produce and meats. I can have some whole grains, but it's limited. And, do you know what??? I've been doing this since Sunday, and I feel better already. I have just a tad more energy. I can function almost normally. I am still rather tired, but the baby has been fighting an ear infection and hasn't ben sleeping well, so that may be why. Do you know what else? I'm down 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I'm not really sure how, because I haven't added my workout to the mix yet. I've just changed my diet. Isn't that amazing??
My next step is to call my doctor and talk to him about what I have found through research and trial and error. Hopefully, we'll get this all figured out.
My weightloss goal is to be at pre-pregnancy weight 4 years ago. That means, I need to lose about 75 pounds total. I'd like to lose alot of it before March. We're taking the kids to Disney....and I want to feel better about myself and the possiblity of my being in a bathing suit.
Until next time....The weighting....is the HARDEST part, but the journey is becoming an easier road to follow.

One Way To Diet.......

2009-05-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

Is to be forced to eat nothing but nonfat foods or be in so much pain you want to die. I mean, that IS one way,now isn't it?
And yeah, it pretty much works. I always said I'd DO X Y or Z if I HAD to......but let's face it, most diets are not HAVE TO.
This one is.
I still have to get surgery, but I'm fairly content eating nothing until then because it's keeping the pain at bay. The worst thing is, I can feel the gallbladder. Like right now - I just barely feel it. Just a bit.
And it's saying Don't You DARE eat a normal dinner or I will twist you inside out just to hear you scream.
Thus, I comply.

I better lose some weight outta this.

So I'm a Snorer?

2009-05-01T04:17:00.000-07:00

So my husband has been waking me up the past several nights, "Honey, you're snoring!" and I apologize and roll over. He says I've always been a snorer but I suddenly think it might be getting worse.
One thing that points me to thing that points me to this is that I'm waking up EVERY day with a sore throat. A really sore throat, which I'm now realizing is a DRY throat.
Second.....I'm realizing how much he has to wake me up. It used to be once in a while but now I'm apparently madly snoring away the night like some sort of cartoon character.
I wonder at what point I have to worry about sleep apnea/sleep disorders vs. this just being a tired girl who snores?
I'm remarkably ill informed.
My mother snores like a freight train. My grandmother snored so loud it would shake the windows.

Hmmmm.

Suggestions?

Weight or Arthritis?

2009-04-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

So my mom keeps telling me to get checked for rheumatoid arthritis as she has it and it's hereditary.
I've usually thought that my aches and pains were really just weight related, and age related, and being sedentary related etc.

But for the past two days, I'm having a lot of trouble going up and down the stairs, I'm really stiff and sore. I just soaked in a really hot bath and it's a lot better. But I'm beginning to wonder. It's so bizarre and out of the blue.

And I've LOST weight.

It's going to piss me off, if I have AR, I tell you what.

Back To Points

2009-04-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

Ok two weeks off the points wagon and I'm already kind of grumbling about my commitment to return to them tomorrow.
Is it because regular soda pop tastes like crack vs. diet?
Possibly, I'm drinking a diet Dr Pepper as I write this and I gotta admit that it tastes like hell, and it's admittedly one of the BEST diet sodas.
I don't wanna work this hard. Yet I remember how freaking great that first 6 pounds felt. Six pounds is a LOT.
But I have to wake up committed or it's just not going to work now is it?

I have to find my motivation and I almost feel too tired to even figure it out right now. I'm wearing jeans 2 sizes smaller than I used to wear.....I should be ecstatic.......

Complacency is easy when you are tired all the time.

Ok, I'm going to get some sleep - and wake up committed.

And I'm going to make you come along with me.

Off Target But Back from Vacation

2009-04-13T20:46:00.000-07:00

Okay so life has been chaotic but I'm not concerned. I know where I've dropped the ball - and it's been mostly to do with the twins going to school + spring break coming.

So by the end of the week I'll be back counting points.

I have to because I was making good progress, I can't let that go.

Fat Secret!

2009-04-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ok so I was annoyed that the WW Online requires a credit card that they'll bill "whenever they like" (ok officially up to 20 days before your monthly due date) and although I PAID at the center, I didn't enroll online.
It just pissed me off, ya know?
But then I found FAT SECRET when I was trying to google info on a 100 calorie candy bar I had tossed the wrapper on.
WOOOHOO.
Fatsecret.com has WW Points!
And tons of food and restaurant info.

AND ITS FREE!

It's a great little community site and I'm fairly impressed.

Okay and I've been cheating on my WW this week shut up I've been under a lot of stress!

But I'll get back to it promise!

That's a Joke, Right?

2009-03-23T21:15:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting in these Weight Watchers meetings, and I like them - I've always liked them. But sometimes, I feel like I've stepped off the planet. Like I'm in some group therapy with total mentals and I'm the only one NOT needing further medication.
Case in point - a lengthy conversation that was held about what you could do if you had a craving.

Like, if you wanted a cookie.

Ummm.

What?

See, this isn't a fat issue in my opinion, it's some sort of "I'm a girl pay attention to me/my cookie want is a cry for help" sort of issue. It's a woman's issue, of the most lame and stereotypical sort. It's the stuff BAD sitcoms are made of but there I sat, listening to grown women try to come up with a list of things they could do BESIDES eat that cookie.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Can you see GUYS having this kind of conversation:

"Hi Jim, It's Bob, I was calling you because I was thinking of eating a cookie."
"Umm, what?"
"Well there's this cookie, and I was really thinking of eating it but at Weight Watchers they suggested I call a friend instead of eating that cookie so you know, I decided to give you a call."
"No really, why did you call?"
"You know, it's this cookie, I was wanting to eat it but YOU KNOW, I thought if I did something else, filled my time in some other WAY - well, maybe my need for the cookie would pass."
"Shut the fuck up what did you call for? What's up?"
Pause. Silence. "Umm, I was thinkin' about going fishing Sunday you wanna go?"
"Yeah see ya."
click.

Ladies, put down the cookies. I'm serious.

Or, just HAVE a fucking cookie. Have ONE COOKIE. Or have TWO and say "I just had two cookies and that was a snack."

Because my girls, you do not look like members of the Hutt family because you "ate a cookie". No girls - you are Hutts because you ate your weight in cookies during the 90s.

Class is out.

I'm going to have a cookie.

Down 6 Pounds

2009-03-14T09:51:00.001-07:00

My first week on WW and I'm down six pounds! SIX POUNDS PEOPLE! WOOOOT! YAY ME!

I will confess - the day before we STARTED WW we feasted......we had a huge buffet breakfast at home..

And it was great - but all we've I've felt awfully good getting back on the program. PLANNING and considering what I'm going to eat has made such a difference.

I've gone back to using Dotti but I also found FATSECRET! OMG! Check it out - they have points values for everything......it's a great reference tool especially when you are at work.

Drinkable Beer for Only 1 Point!

2009-03-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

WOOHOO!
Okay, well it's not the only drinkable beer - because Beck's Light is only 1 point.

But it's expensive as HELL.

No lie.

Guess what else is only 1 point? Miller Genuine Draft Light 64! OH yes! I am enjoying one now. It's ok. It's a domestic mass produced lager in light beer form. It's cheap.

It's not Natty light.

So......I'm good! And for one point - I'm REALLY GOOD!

Forever 21 and Chubby

2009-03-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

So Forever 21 is launching plus sized clothes. I think it's a good thing, in general, because younger girls are often stuck in matronly clothes simply because the "woman's section" is full of Alfred Dunner and White Stag and we all know what horror shows of fashion those are.

Of course, Forever 21 does specialize in the hoochie a bit....and I'm not just showing my age I thought they were hoochie back when I fit into hoochie just fine.

Nothing wrong with that, but it tends to look cartoonish and cruel on a big girl.

I'll be interested in what THEIR version of plus sized clothes looks like.

The get points for trying!

And Just Make Sure I was a total DORK

2009-03-07T09:02:00.001-08:00

I attended my first meeting, with my shirt on inside out.

And no one said a word.

Lord.

Going Back To Weight Watchers

2009-03-07T07:01:00.000-08:00

I'm minutes away from walking back out the door to go to Weight Watchers for the first time in two years. They've got a new program, and I've got new fat so it should be quite a match.
It worked so well for me in Tampa - but then we moved here and I've been depressed and sitting on my ass for two years.
You can imagine how counter-productive that has been to my big butt.
I'm a little nervous. But maybe I'll also meet some festive people here, who knows.

So........here we go.

Cupcakes Rock It

2009-03-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

We feasted on cupcakes yesterday which are not on anyone's diet, but I'm not even pretending to BE on one right now so that's all good. The Atlanta Cupcake company features Vegan cupcakes for those who might be inclined to care how much COW goes into the cupcake.

Personally, I'm all about a little COW in my cupcake, but you know, it's not everyone's cup of tea. So I thought that was nice for them to offer. Plus probably very popular in the hop 20 something "I'm so enlightened let's sit about and eat cupcakes" sort of neighborhood it's in.

Don't get me wrong - their cupcakes are the BOMB. But the neighborhood is a bit of a hoot.

Orthotics Inserted

2009-02-25T17:06:00.000-08:00

One of the great fun things about needing to lose weight (which is not in the FATTIES HANDBOOK) is that you are prone to PLANTARS FASCIITIS which I would like to describe as HELL.
I've been plagued with it for a couple of years now. So far I've gotten the shots in the bottom of my foot twice (my doc said I was the first person he ever had not to SCREAM) and then I just bought some sensible shoes and NOW I've had to insert some things inside my shoes.

I gotta admit though, like, the package on these inserts says IMMEDIATE relief.

Ummmm, yeah. Actually. TRUE.

Next up will be a visit to a podiatrist.....where we'll sort out what kind of NON-WALMART PURCHASED orthotic is advised.

Oh, and I should probably lose some damn weight too - eh?

So You Got a Bunch of Candy for Valentines?

2009-02-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

And you're making your way through it? Aren't you?

You can admit it. It's cool.

I am too.

But, here is a great resource if you WANT to keep track of that delicious chocolate consumption.

Smexy!

2008-11-26T07:35:00.000-08:00

I've had bookmarked a link the hubby sent me a while back. Some people might think the hubby sends me links like this as a "hint hint please wear this" which is true.
But the flip side is....
I like wearing lingerie. A LOT. I just never get around to it because I am LAAAAAAZY.
But....
There is a now infamous story about how one semester in college I spent my book money at a lingerie party. And then had to sign up to be a lingerie party rep in order to PAY for books that semester.

I was thinner then. (I won't say skinnier, cuz I've always been all boobs and butt).

But it's a huge difference trying to put lingerie on a size 14 vs. a size 22 - isn't it?

When I FIND things these days though, I like to pay attention - and share it with anyone who is interested!

So check out Hips and Curves!

Ladies Fingers and Mens Toes

2008-10-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

I went to a party a few years ago where these were served and couldn't for the life of me REMEMBER where the recipe came from. Then, this morning ,I had the EUREKA MOMENT!

Of course it's Martha Stewart.........duh.....

Now, first climb the Andes mountains by the light of the full moon to obtain the ingredients...

Kidding.......here is the recipe - totally fun Halloween treat!

The Candy Situation

2008-10-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

You know we need? We need a candy resource.
We also need to eat less candy BUT - since we need to be REALISTIC and enjoy Halloween it might be nice to be better informed about what we're eating. Is a handful of candy corn worse or better than peanut butter cups?

I've got the Rosetta Stone of candy info.........

Here you go. I've mentioned her before, but I think Dottie runs one of the best sites for nutritional info out there. Especially if you WORK. You don't know how many times, before running out to eat lunch, I'd bring up DWLZ site and check the menu items available to plan my lunch.

Planning = success my dahling (okay my son keeps saying 'my dahlings' and I don't know why but it's funny) and with SO much candy in the flooding the store shelves it's good know what the good, better and best choices are.

Cuz let's face it. We're gonna EAT some candy!

A Life In Flux

2008-09-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

I've been so lazy. For like a year. I didn't intend to be - but does ANYONE actually say "Man, I'm gonna let all my goals just go to hell for the next year?"
I don't think so either.
One downsizing, one relocation, a year getting used to an alien environment, another downsizing, buying a house, having no money........
These things are not conducive to inspiring "stick-to-itness" when it comes to healthy eating. Or hell, let's just break it down.
None of these things say "Man, I'm really gonna rock my diet."
They say, screw it - pass the cheese sauce.

But what I've started to feel, as I drink some cheap wine and try not to get maudlin, is that right now - on the crux of change, is probably the best POSSIBLE time to get BACK on the frickin horse.

It's really time to break out that Billy Blanks CD (I notice my husband discreetly brought it in from the garage tonight) - to find a points counter, or to just make one in excel......and get my shit back together.

My life is getting ready to change again, a good change. I want to embrace the next turn of the karma wheel while hitting on all cylinders. (Pours more cheap wine). I want to be the person I feel like inside again - the person I was for a while when really focused.

Life is what happens while you are making other plans.

I'm So Tired

2008-09-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

WTF am I so tired? I mean seriously, there has to be an answer. I'm exhausted. You know those days, when you were up till 3 or 4 shagging some boy you met in a bar and you had to roll into work by 8am and you feel okay at 7:30 as you're slogging coffee and driving down the interstate but by 11am you feel like your entire body is about to go on strike?

I feel like that when I wake up.

I can't shake it. I had mono once. I wasn't this tired. I'm getting sleep. I got 7 hours last night. I DON'T friggin get it. I really don't.

I wake up and can barely move. I truly believe I could sleep 30 hours and wake up tired.

My BODY is tired. It feels like I just did this amazing work out, but never got the GOOD endorphin rush - it just got the worn out bit.

I've started taking multivitamins thinking it was IRON but that isn't helping one whit.

Here I am on a family picnic...seriously trying not to nod off.

The Husband used to tease me about being narcoleptic because my head hits the pillow and I'm OUT. But now, it's so odd, if I sit still and quiet for too long, I can feel myself drifting.

The song Madeleine Kahn sings in that Mel Brooks movie keeps running through my mind......"I'm SOOO Tired......Tired of being admired....."

Ugly Legs and Shorts

2008-08-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

I'm getting a lot of hits on here with the search UGLY LEGS AND SHORTS.

So I thought I'd pander to it.

No seriously, I'm teasing.

Ugly legs......have you ever really seen anyone with PERFECT legs besides a 14 year old girl who just hasn't QUITE hit puberty full on? Before the fat starts collecting and the real female body shape rolls out? Look at the legs around you.

The legs that always weird me out are not the fat, waddling legs but rather the flabby yet skinny legs. I dunno how they get that way. How can you be so thin and have no muscle tone? I'd love to know. Ok I'm not a fan of the fat waddling legs but at least I understand them.

No one's legs are perfect. So everyone searching for the answer.....guess what?

There isn't one.

Just like the rest of our bodies.......

Roll with it girls.

Like I Hate Hitler

2008-08-26T16:06:00.001-07:00

I hate trying on new clothes.

I recently went on a quest for a new business suit. You know. A SUIT. Standard, I work for IBM and this is how I ALWAYS dress for work BUSINESS suit - right? (I don't work for IBM - but you get the idea).

First of all, this suit is nearly impossible to find anymore. For some reason, all the department stores seem to think we BIGGER ladies all want to wear a moo-moo with pants. Which I don't get. Second of all, while I'm IN the dressing room.......I get lost in the ideas the clothes are trying to convey. I forget myself. I find myself looking at a very matronly pantsuit with a big flowing jacket (think RHODA) and thinking "I kinda like this" until my husband shakes me out if it with a "You like THAT?"

OMG he's right. This is atrocious! Am I 60?

Our clothes define us. So maybe that's partially my problem, I like to shrink from the definitions - or rather I like the definitions to be of my own making vs. someone else's. Therefore, I'm never ever happy with the clothes presented to me in those little cushy, mirrored rooms. They are who someone else is telling me to be - and therefore I have to decide if any bit of these ensemble is me.

Or, more precisly, is it who I want you to THINK I am?

By the time I'm done trying on clothes and finally finding ONE suit that works out of the whole mess (yes I actually found a pinstripe suit) I realize I hate trying on clothes and clothes shopping like nothing else.

Except maybe Hitler.

Blogher 08 Returns to Second Life

2008-06-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

First of all, I am clearly the Mascot of Blogher '08 as I showed up to the orientation area wearing the official Blogher Colors this year - totally unplanned by the way.

Second of all - BLOGHER is going BACK to Second Life - so if you can't attend the premier blogging conference of '08 in person this is your chance to attend for free in Second Life!

What do you need to know?

Well, pardon me while I hijack ALL of the information from Queen Tureaud who already WROTE it all down so nicely.
You can find all the pertinent schedule info HERE.

What do you need to do?

Go download Second Life.

Make sure your machine meets the minimum specs.

The specs unfortunately aren't optional - you can't be CLOSE and enjoy the conference. You'll crash constantly be unbelievably annoyed. And you WANT to enjoy it and not miss keynote speakers etc because your machine won't handle the requirements.

Next, you need to spend some time in Second Life learning how to move, see and enjoy the conference! You wouldn't go into space without a little training at NASA - and going into Second Life if traveling into a different world.

Office Hours are set up at these times
BlogHer in Second Life Office Hours: (all times Pacific)

Monday 10-2pm and 8-10pm
Wednesday 10-2pm
Thursday 5pm-8pm and 8-10pm
Sunday 4-7pm

Once you get SL all set up on your PC you can just click on THIS link during office hours which will take you to the CNN iHub area. One of your mahvelous Blogher 08 Volunteers will be there during this time!

Can't wait to see you there!

- Gidge Uriza Second Life Resident and Blogger.

on cheap meals and alzheimers

2008-05-19T08:57:00.001-07:00

I have decided that being broke can either mean you eat more healthily or you eat crap.

In my household it usually means eating crap.

When you're young you don't mind eating ramen noodles. I used to want them for every meal. I thought I was having a cultural experience whenever my brothers and I got to share a bowl of them at the babysitters house.

We didn't notice her hesitation when we asked for more of the "asian" food. The fact that she may not have had the money to really share more than one packet of those oh so yummy noodles didn't cross our minds until much later.

Now, the health concious individual in me thinks back on that hesitant look and wonders if she wasn't really worrying over how much sodium 6 year old bodies could handle before they shut down.I mean those things are horrible for you! All that spicy flavor we used to love was combined in with 3000mg of soduim in the packet. Some of the noodles even have MSG in them which can cause Alzheimers. Who knew?

Perhaps thats why i can hardly ever remember what I had for dinner the night before. Sigh.

But anywho. Other than growing my own veggies and owning my own cow, its hard to come up with ways to eat healthily and cheap some months.

So...let's all get involved! What do YOU do when your low on fundage for the week and you just don't want to eat a pack of ramen noodles?? Don't be shy, I really want to hear those ideas!

Person with the best meal idea gets a virtual cookie!!

My scale mostly laughs at me these days

2008-05-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

....my scale relationship is steeped in humour.

Hello. *waves*

I will be writing here now. *nervous new girl grin*

I figure I should introduce you to my oddities before forcing you to read my ideas on "the battle of the bulge." Take note: there may be a quiz.

All About ME!---

I can eat a full bag of doritos on a lazy weekend.

Caffiene makes me ill, so diet pills have never worked for me--not that they are really a great idea to begin with.

I wear my husbands clothes on the weekend rather than the cute clothes I used to wear when we were dating.

I have never been pregnant, but many of the shirts I wear to the office are maternity-- (they're roomy AND cute)

I'm a stress eater. But I don't stay home on the couch with a pint of icecream. I'll go out to Bruster's and buy a double scoop waffle cone then come home, work in the yard and have a beer. Or two.

Im pretty sure beer is the main reason I can't lose the weight.

I selfishly hold on to the clothes I used to wear my freshman year in highschool. (Don't ask me why, I have no clue. I can't even get an arm in those shirts anymore.)

So. Enough getting to know me. Down to brass tacks.

I was discussing dieting options with a coworker. Diet pills to be honest. Alli mostly.

When I first heard about it years back I thought, "Well finally there's a pill that sounds like it may do some good."

Well, research tells a different story as I'm sure most people are aware at this point. It'll absorb fat and help you lose weight, but it sucks up the good stuff too; vitamins, the good fats.

And lets not forget those pesky side effects. Anal leakage. Minor problem. Hardly noticeable I'm sure.

Imagine adult diaper blowout while running to the bathroom. Yikes!
We pretty much poo pooed the whole Alli idea. (har har)

I don't know about you, but I'll keep my maternity shirts if it ensures I don't have to carry around an extra pair of pants in my purse. Or pants AS a purse.

I'm hoping I can convince her that walking after work or doing the buddy system at the gym may be the best option, rather than pills. We shall see.

The Diet Deceivers - FIRST AGAINST THE WALL!

2008-03-31T16:20:00.000-07:00

I have decided I have someone new to be annoyed by. The pretend dieter.
Much like the girl whose friends are all sluts so SHE pretends to be a slut too, I've decided that my Least Favorite Type of Dieter is the DIET DECEIVER.

You know her. She is "always" on a diet. She carries around that BIG ASS JUG that she bought at the Quickie Mart and is slamming water all day long (allegedly). She consumes unsweetened apple sauce, fresh fruit and makes a point of counting out carrots.

Despite this, she's rolling to work in her size 24 pants, packing 275 pounds of love.
Or More.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not actually throwing stones at her weight or size (I promise you this).

I am throwing stones, HARD at her ruse.

Big girl, I know you're eating whole bags of potato chips at night and washing it down with a 2 liter of RC. Which is ok. I don't mind that. It's not the healthiest choice but I'm not a diet expert and in the interest of full disclosure I'm sitting here eating Sugar Babies with my kids.

But you see, I'm not pretending I'm not.

It's hard to be who you are. I see the ads, I see the way we're portrayed. I realize we can't shop at Abercrombie and Fitch (nor should we for a host of reasons I'll leave out). I guess what I don't understand is why you're pretending for us, the regular people. I look across my workplace and we're not a bunch of uberthin supermodels that you are trying to fit in with.

So, who are you doing this for?

I used to work with someone who was a confirmed Diet Deceiver. She was on a constant SERIOUS MEDICALLY SURPERVISED diet. Then we'd order in Chinese she'd order TWO lunch entrees and eat them both. Her roommate told tales of whole bags of chocolates consumed every night. You raise your eyebrow, in the face of the diet deceiver, but you never really call them on it.

Why not? Because it's hard to be one of us. Because you think that you'd just make her sad or whatever. But in fact you are just enabling her. You are encouraging her to continue on this path by acknowledging the pretend diet - by making it real.

And by receiving positive feedback on the pretend diet, she/he doesn't ever actually get around to a real one.

Diet Deceivers. Don't eat your pretend food around me. Because as I'm getting a Big Texas out of the Snack Machine (they are about a bajillion calories and 12 ww points - I did the math once), I'm going to ask you. I'm going to ask you about your diet.

Weight Loss for Dummies

2008-03-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

I can across this diet online. What struck me about it was the name of it. Weight Loss For Idiots. It's pretty simple to follow. We tried it. You can lost 9 pounds in 11 days, so they say. We gave it a shot. We have gone one round on the diet, and i've lost 7 pounds, and Matt has lost 5 pounds. In 11 days, i'd say that isn't half bad.
The whole key is to follow your menu plan. You get to choose from a list of foods that you like, and they generate a plan for you to follow for 11 days. After you've complete the 11 days, you're supposed to take a few cheat days, but we're taking a few cheat meals. Not days. I can't wait to see how much weight that I can lose doing this. I didn't cheat at all. I'm very proud of myself. I'm so tired of being fat. I'm tired of not feeling well. I think that my weight plays a part in that. I'll try to post every 11 days and post our progress.

A PSA from The Girl Dipping her Doritos in Sour Cream as She Writes This

2008-03-23T12:50:00.001-07:00

Okay shut up, I'm hungry.
And not counting points.
For like weeks.

SHUT UP.

I know.

But, you've got Easter candy?

Best place I know of to break down the WW points is HERE.
Dotti rocks the WW points world!

When I Get Skinny

2008-03-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

I'm going to wear small, inappropriate clothes.

I will wear high heels everywhere and my feet and back will never hurt.

I will eat half a cup of fruit and go ON about how full I am.

I will tell all the fatties I know how I "forget to eat".

I will work out to the exclusion of all other activity in order to maintain said skinny status, but lie about it and tell everyone I never work out.

I'm going to recommend fad diets of dubious quality to everyone, or claim that I eat only fast food and have no idea how I stay skinny.

At least.

This is the plan.

I forgot I hated My Period

2008-02-20T09:25:00.001-08:00

I was one of the lucky ones at the age of 10 who was visited by the CURSE early. My friends were soooo jealous. I got my period. I didn't have to read "Are you there God It's Me Margaret" to divine the secrets of menstruation, it came right on in to me nice and early.

I got my period SO long ago, it was the end of belts and pins - pads with adhesive were NEW and expensive.

Most of you don't evne KNOW what a sanitary belt IS do you?

Let me gross you out for a minute.

It looked like this....

I'll let you stop gagging.
Yeah, you threaded the END of your pad (they were REALLY REALLY LONG) through fasteners on the front and the back. and then walked around with a big old wad of nonleakproof cotton in between your legs. And you had to change it VERY frequently, or it would leak all over your clothes and no mistake.

So, when I was on the damned Mirena, I had these annoying MINI periods. And I had them all the time. But there wasn't any FLOW to speak of much, despite all the inconvenience. No cramps.

And now.

Shit, it's back on again. On like Donkey Kong. I forgot I get my period for like 10 days in a row and would bleed like a stuck pig. I forgot that I'd bleed so much that if I coughed to hard I could bleed OVER a pad......and all over my clothes.

Dammit.

What is with being female anyway. Why is it so damn gross?

Zero motion

2008-02-12T18:02:00.000-08:00

So i have access to this kickass gym up in toledo. Oh ya its free. Free is good. Our hotel doesn't have a "workout" or "fitness" area which is good because usually its crap. Well for the past month or so i have gone to workout just about every trip up here, except for the last two trips. I'm tired when i get here at 7 am and then i want to sleep all day. I guess thats why most of who work on the railroad are in miserable physical shape its impossible to get any exercise let alone see the sunshine. I need to suck it up and just do it (and sound like some cory nike ad). I need to rie my bike at home and hit the weights here. Perion. OH and the company i work for has a new gym at downtown indy office. ITs awesome but the parking situation is muffed and not safe for going there 24/7. It may be the nicest gym i've ever seen i'll post pics when i get some its like a museum of fitness equipment really it is. i'll post a weight in when i get around a scale, then i'll post it again in a week and if it doesn't drop i expect a public flogging.

The One Where My Jeans Don't Fit

2008-02-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

So I'm at a quandary.
Last year when I lost all the weight I bought new clothes. Smaller clothes. Including jeans.
And now, due to sloth and laziness - they are tighter, tighter, tightest. Too tight.

Uncomfortably so. Almost can't breathe and definitely can't eat, sort of tight.

I can buy new jeans, and still try to lose weight and get BACK into these excellent jeans which are too tight. Or, I can say NO I will NOT buy new jeans, I will squeeze my big ass into these jeans which do not fit, because I WANT TO WEAR THEM THEY ARE CUTE. Which should then motivate me to get new jeans.

Right?

Opinions? Anyone? Anyone?

And So It Resumes....

2008-01-23T17:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, where have I been?
I've been being lazy.
Not counting points.
Gaining weight.
Being angry with myself and not taking care of myself properly.
And gaining more weight.

So.

Deep breath.

It isn't about losing weight, or being a size or a shape. It is about being healthy and not hurting. It is about feeling good when I wake up and having stamina.

Today I worked out with my husband.

First step.

Billy Blanks, give us strength!

The 99 Cent Cellulite Cure

2007-12-21T10:38:00.000-08:00

I had this "Confirmed Old Bachelor" Great Uncle. Nudge, nudge, know what I mean?
He was a hairstylist. At 20th Century Fox. Then at exclusive salons. He was vain to a fault, and was full of useful information about beauty and fashion.
Since I've been suffering from dry skin like crazy since moving north I've been exploring how to relieve it. Just lotion isn't cutting it. Of course there is always the whole DRINK MORE WATER thing but that still doesn't help out when your skin is drying out from the outside too.
And that got me to thinking about the whole Mary Kay Satin Hands thing. It's really really moisturizing.
But how to get it on the whole bod?
LOOFAH!

And that is when I started thinking about the loofah and my Uncle and cellulite. You see, a loofah, vigorously applied to your cellulite helps break it up. A loofah, loaded up with really moisturizing cleanser such as DOVE CREAM OIL.......then is doing double duty. It's grinding in moisture while it exfoliates AND helping to break up that cellulite.

My uncle would religiously loofah, saying that it kept his legs looking cute for summer. He used to say he didn't want ugly legs for when he mowed the lawn. Apparently he had neighbors he was trying to impress?

Anyway, it's working. My skin is no longer dry and burning/itchy.

Check it out.

Can This Really Be Good?

2007-11-20T20:27:00.000-08:00

So one of the little things it says when you read about Mirena is that it helps prevent birth by causing the lining of your uterus to remain thin. And as you know, I just had mine removed. I had a couple of days of cramps, ick, and feeling sort of weak and yucky. But all in all, just fine.
Then, this weekend, I was puzting around the kitchen when I felt something horrible sliding out of me. Something, big. I rushed to the bathroom as this monstrosity came pouring out of me.
Out of my uterus, which was not supposed to be creating any significant lining over the past three years, came flopping what I can only describe as 3 years worth of uterine wall build up. The size of my fist. Or bigger.
I felt weak, I felt sick. I cleaned myself up and hit my clothes with some prestain and sat back down, bleary eyed and woozy.
Someone tell me, how can that be healthy and normal?
It happened again a couple of days later, with a lesser blob expelling itself.
This does not seem normal, and I am gladder than ever that I am rid of the the thing.

Except that now, I've been on this wild emotional rollercoaster.

Dear lord.......let my hormones straighten out.

And My Body Went Ahhhhhhh

2007-11-16T17:09:00.000-08:00

I've had Mirena for 3 years. And I've been of two minds about it. One mind likes it because it's kept me from cranking out kids we couldn't handle. But the other mind? The other mind HATES it. What does it hate?
The infrequent unplannable periods - sometimes I'd have a "little" period once a week. Infuriating. And the hormones......I'd have that great PMS windup.......cranky, irritable, wanting to sob and shriek about everything (and sometimes doing just that)......and then, unlike the old days - NO LET DOWN.
I'd almost equate it to when your MILK lets down when you are breastfeeding. RELIEF.
Feeling BETTER.
Suddenly it used to all go away, and despite the horrific cramps that were like LABOR pains....I'd feel emotionally better.
Since I've been on Mirena, I've had the windup but never any let down.

For the past two days, I'd had that wind up....crabby, irritable..........etc.

But I had a gyno appt (with my new doctor who is hilariously like Robin Williams character in 9 months.) yesterday. And I had the damn thing taken out.

And my body went Ahhhhhh.......and I felt BETTER. Instantly. Psychosomatic? Maybe. But I've felt relaxed and better, like the old post PMS bliss.

But I'm not looking forward to the cramps.

Swear to Shake it Up... If You Swear To Listen......

2007-11-13T19:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry but PANIC AT THE DISCO is going through my head, for reasons I will explain over on the Wang tomorrow.
I weighed in today. I lost a pound and a half. Which is sort of good except that I had GAINED three last week. Dammit.
But if I think of it in concrete terms - say - a one pound package of hamburger.....there is now one of those missing from my body.
And that is is significant.

But I'm coming out of my skin today. Damn hormones, I think this IUD may be making me crazy. You know what is annoying - is that I'v read and read and I can't find anywhere that anyone else says the damn thing bothers them like this. I've been strung tight all day ready to just explode and desperate for chocolate.

Not diet conducive, to say the least.

I ended up consuming a giant hot chocolate, which I swear to you was better than any heroin ever served up in an opium den. It was dark love in a cup.

I felt so much better......I may have another cup.

Can you say PMS?

My Grandmothers Keep Letting Me Down

2007-11-08T06:09:00.000-08:00

I have a certain amount of memories I still hold on to with reverence and a shiny golden halo around them. I know that my memories aren't all the way they were - they have that childhood perspective tainting them, but I like them that way. I like that I remember people better than they were, and that I remember good things that seemed magical as a child.

Such as, the special things that my grandmothers would cook.

My paternal grandmother's halo was smashed when I was about 12. She was famous for her "turkey and noodles" or "chicken and noodles" which was ALWAYS the big contribution to family celebrations. (For you Nor'easterners - it's sort of like chicken and dumplings and chicken noodle soup had a baby). My mother was a home economics major who can make ANYTHING so one year, when I was about 12 I said "can you teach me how to make that homemade chicken and noodles like Grandma?" To which she said "Yes."

And I spent forever mixing up dough, rolling out noodles, cutting them by hand. Slaving over making these DAMN homemade noodles thinking that MAN grandma went to a lot of work making these. And when I was done. I was crushed.

These were NOTHING like Grandmas.

They were really good.........but they weren't RIGHT.

And that was when Mom let me in on Grandma's secret. Grandma always just bought some Reame's Noodles, tossed some flour in the bag and shook it up so that the flour would stick to the noodles and make them irregular shaped - making them look "homemade."

Halo, removed.

My maternal grandmother however, had retained her title of baker extraordinaire in my memory. That woman was forever baking for anyone who wasn't us. Walnut Street Club, Martha Circle at the Methodist Church, Eastern Star Past Matrons and Patrons Dinner, Past Masters dinner at the Blue Lodge - oh yes. ALL OF YOU got her treats, we rarely did. But that didn't even matter to me - because it was still wonderful to smell the fantastic treats scent filling the house as they baked. Especially her angel food cake.

Again, the angel food cake was a big deal. In my memory, she made it from scratch, mixing it with her stand mixer. The vanilla warmth it would fill the room with was just extraordinary - it really is one of my happiest memories of her, sitting at her linoleum 50s style table coloring, smelling a cake baking that was for one of her MANY clubs.

My husband made a special point of asking me for an angel food cake for his birthday this year. And I felt a little bit bad buying a mix, but frankly with three little ones I had neither the time nor the inclination to really embrace the beast and learn how to make one. As I was mixing it up I spoke to my mom on the phone, lamenting this fact.

And my mom giggled and said "She didn't make those from scratch, she used a mix."

MUTHERFUCKER ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I didn't say this to my mother.

But I was thinking it.

Well, so much for that childhood fantasy. Grandma baked from a mix, just like me.

I think mine turned out pretty well though! Yes, my husband was 5 this year........haha.
Did I mention Angel Food Cake is a fat free food?

Also - RUN don't walk over to Props and Pans for the Kodak Easy Share GIVEAWAY! That is right you HEARD me people - we're GIVING AWAY a Kodak Easy Share - click on this to get the details, all you have to do is go leave a comment !

A Good Week

2007-10-20T07:29:00.001-07:00

So I'm back to counting points but this last week has been a LITTLE bit tough as I had TWO anniversaries to deal with - the ten year anniversary of the day we MET and the ten year anniversary of our first date.
The night we went out to dinner I said fuck it and just ate.

And I didn't feel guilty about it.

I think thats one of the big problems sometimes when you diet - no matter what program, is that you have this GUILT if you don't "follow the rules".

I just can't buy into that this time around. I'm going to do what is right for me and acknowledge the consequences.

It doesn't mean I haven't made some changes, behaviorally, that take getting used to.
My first change is............the coffee.
Now don't talk stupid. I didn't give it up.
But, I gave up the cream and sugar M-F. Lets face it, artificial sweeteners taste like shit in coffee. The natural compliment to coffee, if you want it SWEET, is SUGAR. In my opinion, turbinado sugar, because of the rich nutty taste is has. But - that's just points. Racking up. And the one thing you better have learned on WW is that they ALL ADD UP.
So 2 points here, 4 points there.....suddenly you've downed half your daily points on your morning coffee. Especially if you like to snarf down almost a pot of it every day (shut up you do it too).
So. I'm drinking it black.
And it's pretty good. It's like drinking a different drink really, drinking it black. Consuming it tan and sweet like I am RIGHT NOW is relaxing. It's like a treat. But drinking that hot steaming cup of black coffee - is like getting down to business.
And it's ZERO points.

Which is the sweetest thing of all.

Only a Little Bit off the Wagon

2007-10-10T17:11:00.000-07:00

It was my birthday yesterday.
I'm taking yesterday off from counting points.
And I took Sunday off because of the COLTS game.
And I took Monday off because of Sunday.
And I took today off because of my hangover from yesterday.

Shit.

I have to start counting points.

Fredericks - It's Not Just for Those Without Children

2007-10-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

There is a little secret that you would never know looking at the Hottie McHot mannequins in the Frederick's of Hollywood window.
They carry plus size lingerie.
They carry a LOT of it.

They have sexy lingerie, bras, panties, unmentionables in all sorts in sizes for those of us with more to love. They even carry a WIDE selection of Bras in the store (selection does vary by store) and will help you get sized. Haven't been sized in a while? DO IT! I've seen you, with your boobs spilling out over the top of your bra. Do you know why WHY your boobs do that? It's because you are wearing the wrong size bra. And - you look crazy - so go get a new bra.

They have even more online and do you know what I like BEST about their site? They don't have a little "plus size" category off on the sidebar with a smattering of products to patronize us. The major categories have a PLUS SIZE listing - so you can see by category what they have. Makes shopping easier and less time consuming. After all, you shop online for convenience right?

I think it's nice to know that those of us with matronly hips and big, I nursed children saggy boobs have a place to shop for sexy lingerie. And I appreciate Frederick's for showing us some love! Thanks Frederick's!

Day 2 Weight Watchers - and Still Alive

2007-10-04T16:55:00.000-07:00

So I'm on day 2. And I'm not dead. I'm not starving to death.
Now, I've done WW. I did it for months and months and months. But I recall feeling like I was going to fucking DIE last time around - for the first two solid weeks I felt as though the starvation alone would kill me.
This time- not so much.
Maybe it's because I KNEW what to expect.
And, my sweet husband went to the store and got me sugar free treats and diet soda and steamed veggies AND SOME Beck's Light (1 WW Point people). Yesterday for lunch he made me steamed veggies and warmed up some pork loin from the previous night.

When running my own "WW GAME" I usually would get home at the end of the day with about 10-12 WW points. Yesterday, after the lunch HE made me (I'm lucky enough to get to come home for lunch at this new job) I actually ENDED my day with 18 for dinner.

18 Points for DINNER PEOPLE!!!

We went out to dinner and I ate like a hoggett.

Weight Watchers Rules.

And my really supportive husband rules even more.

Finnegan Begin Again

2007-10-02T16:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm still wrangling with the damn Plantars Fasciitis and the doctor said after the last shot "It would really help if you could take off 50 pounds."
Sigh.

Yeah I know - it would really help all aspects of my LIFE if I could take off 50 pounds. But this hurts. This Foot thing. It hurts a LOT. And, well, the shot to "fix it" which I potentially might have to get done repeatdly....well it's like tortures of the damned.

Then, my office just announced their holiday Weight Off Challenge. The top prize is 250 dollars plus you earn $$ every week that you lose.

So. Reduction of excruciating pain, plus the opportunity to earn money at the holidays.

Okay. Weight Watchers. Billy Blanks. Welcome Back. I'll keep everyone posted. We start again. With a purpose.

I love My Hips and Curves

2007-09-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

One of the things I dislike about carrying around the big ass and tits is that you can't ever find decent lingerie. You certainly can't find a decent variety of anything - for instance one store might have good nightshirts but crap for bras. Or the bra selection rules but the panties suck etc. It's hard to find one store that has a good VARIETY of things.

Enter HIPS AND CURVES dot com.

They have everything. They've even just put out Halloween Costumes (okay maybe most of them are more geared for ADULT Halloween fun in the bedroom).

But the point is this. Hips and Curves acknowledges that us girls with Hips and Curves want to look girly. So kudos to them!

We've had enough

2007-08-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

The scale is moving in the wrong frigging direction for me. I have gained what I lost and then some. For those of you wondering how Alli went....it went well I suppose. If you enjoy being constipated. Usually people have the other problem. They oil themselves, which is funny for me to even think about. See, I was SO careful about how much fat I ate. I don't think that I ate enough if that makes sense. I think that you would be amazed at that things you can find in a fat free version. It's almost a miracle. I decided that I would rather lose the weight without ALLI than to have constant stomach cramps. It was so bad I couldn't button my pants. It hurt too bad.
This morning, Matt and I were talking about issuing a challenge to Gidge. I really like the idea. I also like the ideas we've had for the "prize". The only thing that isn't really clicking with me are the terms. So, I'm gonna sit on it a while and work out the kinks. I don't think it would be fair, two on one though. So that's another problem that we'll have to work on.
I have started walking every morning. When I can go alone that is. When Matt's home, it's great. I can leave as soon as Hunter gets on the bus without any worries. When he's gone, I have a two year old screaming at me the entire time I'm getting her dressed that she wants to watch Clifford. After she realises that we're going for a walk, she calms down. But it's alot of work, and I HATE waking her up when I don't really have to. So when he's gone, I switch it to an evening walk. Although I feel much better when I walk in the morning. I guess it is because I'm starting my day off well. Who knows!!
We've had enough of this fight. We've started counting points again. Although, honestly I can't tell you why we quit in the first place. It's too easy to just stop I think. I wish that we were going to meetings, but we're doing the at home thing again. I think that meetings would help us stay on target. Also, I wonder if there is a hereditary reason that I am having so much trouble losing the weight. My grandma has Thyroid problems, and until it was properly taken care of she was always on the heavy side. Now that she's on meds for it, she's a normal healthy weight. My mom has always struggled with her weight, as well as both of my aunts. My dads family, man don't get me started. They are all heavy, but it's lifestyle not health factors. I suppose it could be both. My dad is the only skinny one in his family. The rest of them are all overweight. So I am not just fighting my battle, I'm fighting a family's worth of fat.

She's My Little Rock and Roll

2007-08-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

I think Keith Richards says it best when he whines "My Tits and Ass with SOUL baby...."

I have no problem being the embodiment of tits and ass with soul. But are there any songs out there about TUMMIES? Cuz even Sir Mix A Lot claims he wants "a girl with a little bitty waist and a round thing in your face".

I saw those girls in the video. Those were NOT such little bitty waists.

It's so weird because you know I don't feel like I look. Does anyone? I didn't feel like I looked when I took all that weight off last year either. I put some of it back on, I still don't feel like I look. Maybe that's the trap. You just feel like yourself until you're so far gone that Richard Simmons has to bring a crane to your house to drag your ass out onto a flatbed.

And by then you are facing heart failure, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes - the gamut.

I want to start counting my points again. I really want to.

SOMEONE MAKE ME.

Dammit.

Keith Richards - where are you when I need you? Put down the Night Train Express and come sing to me man!

Well I'm NOT Pregnant

2007-08-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

So I took a pregnancy test.
Because my boobs got bigger. And my clothes got smaller. And my sex drive went up.

So I peed on the stick.

Apparently I should just stop eating. Because the lines made a negative sign (yeah I have Mirena so I'd have been sooo pissed off for it to have failed) so I poured myself some wine and went on about my life last night boozing it up.

Not pregnant.
Boobs got bigger.
Clothes got smaller.

Dammit.

I'm just gaining weight.

Lost of it, apparently.

Crap crap crap crap crap.

They call this "sitting in front of the computer" vs getting out and working out.

Why can't I just wake up perfect tomorrow? If I could just wake up perfect tomorrow, I would promise to take extra good care of the new body.

Promise.

Almost As Good As Wrapping Up Half Your Meal and Saving it For Later

2007-08-07T18:41:00.000-07:00

Is splitting a piece of delicious cake for breakfast dessert between five people.

Especially when the cakes looks like this. I think this is the best portion control device ever. Divide between FIVE people.

Works for me!

Go for a bike ride.

2007-08-03T11:38:00.000-07:00

So I saw this video a long time ago at bicycle website and after reading Bridgette saw how she can't do her Billy Blacks Boot camp video inside because of her neighborhoods nazi's. Now is the time to get outside. Go for a walk or maybe a bike ride if you have one. There is plenty of time for the inside stuff when its cold (Does it get cold in Georgia?)

Lemon Drop Shakes

2007-08-02T05:16:00.000-07:00

Okay I Found These in Better Homes and Gardens......and if you sub the ice cream for FAT free ice cream or fat free yogurt........YUMMMY What a good treat!

Ingredients
1/2 of a small lemon thinly sliced
2 tbsp crushed lemon drop candies
1 tbsp sugar (spenda instead?)
1 quart ice cream (insert fat free ice cream or yogurt here!)
1 1/2 cups lemonade (sugar free!?)

Rub the rim of the glasses with one lemon slice and dip the rim in the crushed candy and sugar (okay maybe not splenda) mixture. In the blender mix ice cream and the lemonade. Serve with lemon slices on top.

Now, HOW good does that sound for a hot day? I'm totally going to make this!

as it's posted it has 403 calories, 23 g fat, 131 g carbo, 0 fiber.
I think if you modded it, this could be a nice treat!

Borat visits the Tour De France

2007-07-31T17:50:00.001-07:00

Ok so i was out riding my bike and it was really hot i may have been seeing things. Well it is hot but i'm not seeing what these riders saw. I guess i should explain. Borats character is from Kazakhstan. Its capital is Astana i guess. In that country the bike race Alexander Vinokourov is a major star. Well Borat loves cycling i guess, but its too bad Alexander Vinokourov was busted for blood doping. OOPS Blood Doping is where a riding gets a transfusion to increase the number of red blood cells and therefore increasing the bodys ability to carry oxygen. The whole team was removed from the race THANKS ALOT BORAT!
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Alli

2007-07-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's working, I guess. I've lost 4 pounds this week. I feel like I am eating better. I look at the nutrition label, and actually read all of it. I have rearranged my cabinets. Anything with more than 3 grams of fat per 100 calories per serving is on the bottom shelves. The stuff that I can eat without shame is on the top shelf, where it's eye level with me. I figure if the other things aren't in sight, then I won't want them. So far, it's working. I take my Alli three times a day, with each meal. So far, no treatment effects. I am thinking that's a good thing, right?

Help me keep track. Motivate me...give me a reason to go without chocolate for the rest of my life....Help me help you.

April is Shaming Me

2007-07-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

She's working out. She and Matt are out riding their bikes and getting full fledged cardio workouts.

Dammit.

I am eating.

And sitting.

DAMMIT.

I am going to kick someones ASS I swear. Probably my own for being lazy. The problem is, we finally have a place that is BIG ENOUGH to work out. In Tampa it was SUCH a tight squeeze to accomplish the Bily Blanks. And now I have asshat downstairs neighbors who bitch and moan about every noise so we can't freaking DO workouts in our house. Jerkwad downstairs neighbors, I hate you. These douches actually suggested our children not play in their own home, but that we take them to the park all day so that they didn't have to listen to the noise of them running and playing all day. We told them to suck it, of course.

But, it precludes really getting into Billy's Bootcamp when the kids go to bed because we did agree to abide by the quiet hours - and I promise you Billy's bootcamp makes some noise especially when you get to stompin and kicking.

I'm going to start getting some physical activity. Outdoors. In the fresh air.

Or lose my mind.

And here, in an effort to show that my self esteem is not as bad as it has been in the past, it shot of my in a bathing suit. I actually looked at it and said"Man, I don't look so bad........." which is HUGE. I didn't say I look huge. Jerkwads.

MY PMS IS MAKING ME EAT

2007-07-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

I've been eating today.
And Yesterday.
Blueberry poptarts. And Reeses Cups.

Blueberry Poptarts are 9 WW points if you eat TWO of them. Reese's cups - I don't even want to talk about. I think they are about the same. And far less filling.

I know it's PMS - well, because I finally got my period today, AND because I yelled at my husband because he tried to warn me that the cat was going to claw me. That's right - I yelled at him for WARNING ME. I also yelled at him for a bunch of other stuff too. I think it's because he was nearby.

The girl who sits next to me at work eyeballs me every time I return from the Vending machine with the Poptarts. I tell her I can't help it, I am addicted. The way I used to be addicted to the BIG TEXAS.

The PMS doesn't help.

In 4 days, I'll be depressed because I GAINED 2 pounds, just you wait.
It's hell being female.

But I have a full box of Blueberry Poptarts. So how bad can life really be?

..........

Also be sure to visit me over at my other Gig, Props and Pans.

Blogher is Coming to Second Life!!

2007-07-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

And it's free! Why haven't you signed up yet? I went to all the trouble of sponsoring a booth. Two of them even.
Here is the first one. At my booth you can pick up a lovely suit for next to nothing and I'll have some freebies there for you too, so you don't to wear the hideous noob attire that you can gor free when you sign up.
How do you sign up?
It's easy.
Go HERE. Fill out the forms.
Go to Second Life - www.secondlife.com and make yourself an Avatar. Don't worry that you don't look GORGEOUS like me - we'll fix you up.

And no you don't have to be a Goth Princess or a Glamour Girl - that's the beauty of Second Life, you can be whomever you like.
Take a look at the conference schedule for Second Life Blogher if you need more convincing.

My new ALLI

2007-07-15T10:17:00.000-07:00

I have taken the next step in fighting my weight. I've done WW, and it's just so easy to slip. There are no consequences for not eating right. I've done the research, and I need help. More help than I can give myself. I am committed to losing this weight by Christmas. It's all that I want.
I'm realistic. I know that it's gonna be hard, and it'll be even harder because chocolate is GONE!!! I guess that's not really a huge deal, I only really eat it one week a month, but that week is stressful without it.
I have a new ALLI! I know a few people who are on it, and one person lost 15 pounds already. She's been at it a month. I'd be happy with that...to start with.
My goal is to be back in my 12's at Christmas. I want my ass back in my jeans. My favorite jeans. The ones Matt LOVED when we were dating. They did something to my butt....it looked awesome. I don't know why, but it did. I'd love to be smaller than that, but I'm realistic. I know that if I were a 6, I'd look stupid. I found some old school pictures, and I was a 5-7. With big boobs, I looked silly. Even silly isn't the right word, but I didn't look good.
I'll keep you posted on my weight loss. I'll let you know all about how my new AllI is helping/hindering me.

Why Shave Ugly Legs?

2007-06-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

I have to confess. There is a duplicity to my vanity that puts me at odds with what I want and what I do.
First problem, I love silky smooth moisturized legs. I love them. I'm addicted to the Gillette Fusion as my leg and armpit shaving weapon of choice. There aren't enough blades for me. I'd buy that damn Spishak Razor from Mad TV I swear I would.

But the conundrum is this. I hate my legs. They're big, they're fat, and even when I lose weight I don't see anything leaving the tree trunks of my legs. I've got those damn cankles courtesy of my paternal grandmother. And since I hate them, I hate to wear shorts. When we moved to Florida, I owned like two pair of hideous Grandma style shorts. On the hottest days, you'd find me in jeans.

And if I'm not flaunting my legs.......well shaving them is a lot of work now isn't it? You'd probably say I should do it to feel good about myself but you are underestimating my laziness factor. Or I should do it for my man, but it's always been my finding that man's need for a woman not to be stubbly is in direct opposition to their need to fuck....stubbly legs don't even register to them quite frankly. Oh they SAY they want them, and they don't want you looking like Sasquatch in front of other PEOPLE but for their own purposes, no they don't care.

SO here I sit. Loving shaved legs, hating the legs I shave. Therefore, seldom shaving them.

Which brings me to my current situation. When I was recently in Chicago I did the unthinkable, I purchased disposable razors (pining for my youth or just being cheap? hard to say) and I'm still going though them. HEY it was a big bag. Anyway........I took a quick shower the other night and took a disposable to my legs and pits in a flurry.

I don't know what it IS about good razors, but even though they are - pardon the pun - razor sharp the quality of them is such that you don't rip the shit out of your skin. Probably because they are designed for the FACE vs. all of the crap they sell for women which is NOT designed for the face. I can pull a good replacement blade out for the Fusion and WHIP that thing around my legs and pits in nothing flat and come out with smooth, awesome legs (okay they are still ugly but they are smooth).

I stepped out of the shower the other night.......toweled off and OH MY GOD my legs were on FIRE. In what can only be described as the cruelest exfoliation job ever, I have determined that I shaved OFF the top layer of huge sections of my calf and shin SKIN. Aveeno baby lotion burned like holy water (I'm evil too). My skin still throbs and hurts.

Which brings me back to my original question........WHY am I shaving such ugly legs?

Brave New Thin World

2007-06-23T10:33:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about Brave New World lately and at first I couldn't quite put my finger on why. I'm just geeky enough to admit that I actually enjoy reading it, and I'm sure that is a no- no since it's one of those "required reading" books everyone is subjected to. It would be like admitting to liking The Scarlet Letter or Barn Burning. But I do like it.
I realized lately though, what I had been mulling over was Linda.
Linda, if you don't know, is the character who accidentally was left behind and had to live on the "Native Reservation" instead of in the Utopia of the cities. She had aged. She had given BIRTH (an obscenity) and had grown FAT.
Yes, Fat.
Grotesque eh?
I'm a little fascinated that in 1932 - in a society that couldn't have been less like our own in terms of body obsession Huxley completely accurately predicted the prejudices that would come into play in terms of body type.
People are not only horrified by Linda's appearance - she had aged, ewwwww - but she was FAT. FAT!!!!!
Linda chose overdosing on Soma - living in drug induced bliss until death, vs. facing the reality of who she had become in a society that shunned her for her appearance.
It isn't the message that we are usually taught, when we're learning Brave New World. We're taught about Utopian Society and the ironies therein.
But what is underlying is almost a prediction for the body type obsession that plagues us today.

Man, I gotta remember to Post

2007-06-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

I get all these ideas in my head. And then POOF I come home and my actual life comes into play.

Don't get me wrong. I'd rather live a real life than be sitting around feeding my 85 cats and wondering what the sunlight looks like as I add yet another blog widget. But I also think of relevant things that I'm sure the 4 readers of this blog might like to hear.

I also think of ranting things to say.

But then I forget them to.

Gotta work on that, eh?

I fell off the wagon too.

THE POSTING WAGON!

Running after the Wagon

2007-06-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

We've fallen off of the wagon...again. I don't understand how something that seems so easy, is so easy to forget about. I've quite writing my food down. I am keeping track in my head. (I'm telling myself that) I have started walking again. It's not as much fun when Matt isn't home, but I'm still going. Even a look around our hood is better than nothing.
So now I sit here, trying to figure out which way that wagon went, so that I can run after it, and jump back on. I'm holding my weight steady. It's not going up, or down....I may need to try something different. Running after the wagon doesn't seem to do anything except make me tired.

The Science of Being Fat

2007-06-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

I think that I will have a heart attack or stroke out if I go ONE day and don't see an article on the web about WHY people are overweight.
I, Dr Gidge, would like to help everyone out.
We are overweight because we eat too much crap food and do not burn enough calories because we are lazy.
TA DAAAAA.
That will be 500 dollars consulting fee.

It doesn't happen over night. You aren't Christie Brinkley one night and then Mama Cass the next. No here is a nice metaphor for how it works.

When I was in high school I wore a size 8 shoe.
8M, to be exact. I was a shoe addict and bought the living SHIT out of shoes.....all sorts of colors, styles etc, to go with every conceivable outfit I owned or might ever own.
When I went to college, something started to happen.

My shoes would split out, in the back.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, these POORLY MADE Shoes were splitting apart......constantly. You can imagine how upsetting this was. After all, I was an 8M. This is a respectable shoe size for a girl.

And then it happened, I had my feet measured.

Guess what? How about a size 9?

The rest of your body is like that. Your pants didn't shrink, they don't fit funny, and no - your belly doesn't look good hanging over those low riders.

You're gaining weight.

Grab hold quickly......because once that situation gets away from you, the road back is paved with Twinkies and Nuttybars. And they all taste like heroin.......

Man, My Ass Used to Be HUGE

2007-06-03T09:53:00.000-07:00

So in a story that is best glossed over, let's say I'm opening boxes from my move and washing clothes that were moved actually the time BEFORE last, and had been living in these boxes for.....oh let's call it 4 years.
Anyway, I've been beating myself up over the fact that I put back on some of the weight I lost last year.

I am done beating myself up.

I just gave a away a stack of size 26-28 clothes and I am not done. OMG. Was I this fat? Did I REALLY fit into those?

I don't remember that. The weird thing is, I always feel like me regardless of my size or shape. I only notice YOUR reactions to me. I don't remember being that enormous but - clearly I was. My husband loved me. My family loved me. But there I was, walking down the path to serious health issues.......like it was nothing.

I remember liking these clothes, but I don't remember looking like that from the outside. I'm a little embarrassed for not loving myself more.

I know I will never be skinny, but I know that this is not the person I want to be, inside or out.

Goodbye size 26-28 girl. I haven't been you for a long time, but I did not realize it until yesterday when I took a look at your clothes.

Rest in Peace.

On the Road to AFTER.....

2007-05-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

I lost quite a bit of weight last year, and I sort of feel like I put most of it back on since I lost my job. But, that can't exactly be true, because there are clothes I still fit into that I couldn't have worn PRE WW and Billy Blanks. And, because even though, YES I have gained weight, I'm not a 26 no matter how you slice me.
I do, however, have work to do.

Since our relocation to Dixie the husband and I HAVE engaged in a weekly nature walk, on a nature trail that rings a local park and partway passes through a forest outcropping. This makes us about 100% more physically active than we've been in years. But I know that this isn't enough for me. My metabolism slows down to a crawl at the slightest invitation to do so.

So this morning, Sunday, first day of a new week.....I started counting points again.

Counting points isn't hard, although I have heard so many people say "I just don't want to count points." Which just means to me you don't want to be responsible for what goes into your mouth. Which is why you and I, my friend, are chubsters. It's about responsibility. I don't like it any better than you do but if I want change, I have to accept it and embrace it.

So this morning I figured out what we had to eat and out of that I figured out what I wanted vs. what I SHOULD have. My indulgence was an eggo waffle with 1 tsp of peanut butter on it. 3 points. My good for me thing was a container of WW yogurt, 1 point. In two hours I'll have some fruit.

When you are embracing a new diet or engaging in an old one, it's important to feel good. Dieting can make me feel desperate, starving.....like I'm being PUNISHED. To ward this off I'm going to make sure I look good, put together, snappy even, every day. Because I know that I feel good when my nails are done, when my make up looks perfect, when my hair is done.

It helps me.

So back on the path I go, and I'm pretty happy about it.

I am the new me.

Weight Watching

2007-04-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

I have been a weight watcher for the better part of the last 7 years. I have been up and down. I've been big and small. I have been successful and not so. Matt and I ordered the at home kit from Weight Watchers. We got a hella discount through his work. They are encouraging people to join by offering a 50% discount.
We have been following the Flex Points plan for two weeks now. Well, it'll be two weeks tomorrow. It hasn't been easy. I LOVE chocolate, and the points associated with it are horrendous.
So far, I've lost 7 pounds. I love the fact that I have already seen results. I am eating healthier than I have in years. I eat fruit when I get that sweet craving. I eat carrots with almost every meal to "fill" me up. I eat sensible snacks. I am supporting Weight Watchers by buying their pre-proportioned yogurts and ice cream treats. No guess work there. I am drinking Skim milk, when I had been drinking whole. I am drinking diet soda. I'm drinking LOTS of water. I pee more now than when I was pregnant with both of the kids.
I feel healthier. I don't know that I am any healthier, but I feel it. I am wearing my pedometer. As of 6:30 pm, I've walked 8.39 miles, earning 7 activity points. I'm not really exercising anymore than usual. I am trying though. I am doing the video that came with the kit, and we are riding more. I am sticking to this. It is my goal to lose 60 pounds by Christmas. I am hoping to meet that goal sooner, but however Christmas is my date. It will be my present to myself.

Holiday Food guilt

2007-04-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

I should say lack thereof. I feel guilty about eating a crapload of junk food on a regular day. Today is different. It's a holiday. I feel NO guilt for eating the Oreo Cake that I am requested to make for every family function that takes place. I have to admit that it's yummy stuff. It's a layer of oreos, with pudding and creamcheese mixed together, with cookies in that mixture, with whip cream on top. It's a HIGH calorie treat, and it's yummy.
I'm going to enjoy a small bit of it. I also made fried corn. These are not diet friendly foods. I'm going to go so far as to say that none of the foods that will be at our family dinner are. My family is southern. Which means, there is lard or butter cooked in EVRYTHING!! My taste buds are hopping already. I can't wait to sink my teeth into all of the scrumptious. The problem is, I know that I shouldn't eat most of it. So, do I starve myself for the sake of WW points? Or do I forget them, afterall it is a holiday???

Poor Food Choices

2007-04-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

I am moving.
I am getting ready to leave a place filled with food I love.
I have been off of work for 3 months.

I have been making poor food choices on purpose for weeks now.

I'm not proud of it but you know what.......we live once. So I'm going to get my act together after I get settled. I am I am I am.

But, just to show you HOW bad I've been......we went to Mel's hot dogs, which is a Tampa Staple. I'm not coming back ANYTIME SOON so leave me alone!

And I ate THIS......

Okay one hot dog is my husbands........BACK OFF.

MMMM, but it was good.

But my point is this.

I've been over-indulging the past few weeks packing it all into the "it's the last time I'll eat this" suitcase which is BS. However, if I had been counting my points and worshipping at the altar of Brother Billy Blanks religiously.......I still would've had this meal. All the meals, no. But this one, this one was special. Last time I went to Mel's it was two days before the twins were born. It was on our list of things to do "before the babies came" and so it seemed fitting that it went back on the list of things to do "before we leave".

I think it's okay to treat yourself.

Just not for weeks on end, stupid. (That was to me, not you).

And Because AOL Heard April And I Crying Out for Help

2007-04-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

They posted THIS today.

Not a bad list, actually.

Some yummy stuff on there. I know personally, when I was in the hospital after having the twins, I was obsessed with the graham crackers they would bring you for snacks. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. I should get some.

In the SPIRAL......This Must Be the Carpool Lane

2007-04-02T12:24:00.000-07:00

So I'm right there with April.
Being off of work all of this time.....well it's been depressing. I'm regressing into my old ways. I'm eating, and slothful.....I'm not counting points despite how EASY Dotti and WW makes it.

And my "not yet skinny but not fat girl" clothes are starting not to fit.

Stop the madness.

Where is that crazy bald bitch who used to tell us all how to demand that every restaurant serve us food the way we need it (without FLAVOR is what she meant). Well according to her myspace page, she grew some hair. WAY TO GO crazy woman! I need her to follow me around and tell me what to eat. And chase me with a stick to make me work out. Brother Billy Blanks and the Gospel of TAE BO are waiting with open arms. I got the WHOLE BOOTCAMP SET for Christmas and folks, it really works.

My "yes my ass is big but I still look damn cute" jeans, were cutting into me. And you know, when a girl comes in with a little bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG (according to Sir Mix a Lot). I've got the round thing. Okay, the white girl version. BUT, the itty bitty waist needs some work, son.

So we're moving. It'll be fast food a lot while we get pack up and then probably while we try to get settled.

But then, it is on, like Donkey Kong. I am setting the return date to sanity for my diet and workout for April 18. I am getting back on the horse, I just hope I haven't turned into Jabba by then.

The spiral

2007-03-29T14:38:00.000-07:00

The backward spiral that is. I weighed myself this morning, and I was shocked. I have gained 10 pounds. That puts me at 222. This is depressing, distressing, and downright awful. I thought that I had been doing better, apparantly I was wrong. So now, what do I do to rectify this situation. I eat. And eat, and eat. It's called stress eating, and I am the QUEEN of stress eating. Things around home are strssing me out, my weight is stressing me out. Everything is stressing me out, so I eat. I eat bad food, I eat good food. I eat fast food, I eat home cooked food.

Are there any suggestions?

Spinning

2007-03-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Matt and I decided that I should take a spinning class. For those of you not in the know, it's an evil class. Last night was my first class. I was having a great time.
I'm a recreational cyclist, and I thought that this was going to be super easy. Boy was I wrong. I did really well, until we had to stand up on the bike. I felt like I was going to fall over. My legs gave out from underneath me. So I sat back down. I completed the class, covered in sweat, and dying from guilt. I didn't realise that I was that bad out of shape.
I don't like standing up on my own bike, but at least I can rock it back and forth. The goal with the spinning bike is to not bounce or rock at all. The man who led the class was lots of fun. He's also an evil man. He told me to push myself, and I nearly pushed myself into puking. He told me to keep my feet straight, and I got a charlie horse the size of my daughters foot in my calf. By the way, she dosn't have small feet. She jumpred from a 4 to a 7 in a matter of days. Literally.
Seriously, I had a great time. I fully intend on going back. The teacher informed a few of us that we had to go to at least three classes before we quit. I laughed. I'm too stubborn to give up. He assured me that it will get easier with every class. I'm going to finish it up just to prove him wrong...lol.
My ass hurt so bad when we finished the class. The teachers proceeded to tell me that it would hurt worse today, but he was wrong. It doesn't hurt at all. Oh wait, that's because I've either been laying down or standing up cause my ass hurts too bad to sit for an extended period of time. How am I posting this you ask? I'm standing up with the keyboard in one hand, typing with the other. It's taken my an hour to type this much so far...lol.

The Fat Situation

2007-03-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

Previously Posted on LIVE from the WANG OF AMERICA

This is the post that inspired me to create this blog.........

Recently Tyra Banks did a thing on her show where she put on a fat suit and went around living as a fat person for a day to find out what it was like. Wow, people were rude to her. While I appreciate the gesture - I actually did see her in an interview about it and she seems like a pretty genuine person who was really surprised at how she was treated, I've been thinking a lot about what it's like to be fat as I try to journey out of that land.
It really really really sucks.
There are double standards in place that I don't understand as well. Men can be fat, to a point, and it's okay, it's just a joke - they're "Fat Bastards" but somehow that also implies success and money, obviously they can afford to eat that way so they're successful. And black women seem to be immune.......there is this stereotype that black men like a "big woman" and honestly that does seem to be true from my own experience. Equally, I sort of find that even though Playboy models are the official accepted female body type in America, real human women who are overweight are okay with guys on some level.....but God don't let ANYONE find out that they slept with you.......I know that anytime a man starts telling me that Marilyn Monroe wore a 16 he's mine.
I think about my own experiences in being overweight and the cruelty I've experienced and that I've had to watch my friends experience (we fat girls run in packs you know). Mostly I don't care when stuff happens to me but sometimes it really gets to me. I think that one of the most humiliating personal experiences that ever happened actually happened more than once and it wasn't a person being cruel - it was that I couldn't fit into rides that I loved. The last year I lived in KY I found that suddenly I couldn't get into rides I have always loved at King's Island. The last time I went to Disney before I moved here I couldn't get into the Virtual Space Mountain ride. But were those wake up calls? No, my feelings were hurt, but nothing a coney dog piled high with cheese couldn't cure.
I've had someone yell "Get some Jenny Craig" at me from a passing car, and various other statements on diet plans or what a fat bitch I am. Yelling at fatties from a car is apparently a HOT activity. Clearly this must be some attempt to help me and not just the unmitigated cruelty it seems like.
I've actually had friends experience these situations:

Friend A called me once at 3am because a guy she had picked up at a bar had (once they got to her place) said he was going to the bathroom and then bailed. My own personal thought was that she had passed out a bit and he had just left bcse of that. But it was so sad listening to someone I love so much WAIL into the phone "Do you think he left because I was fat?" and then to have to comfort her as she sobbed inconsolably, certain her own flaws had made her undesireable.
Friend B showed up at my house unannounced at 11pm. She had been at a pretty wild party and had been about to engage in some sort of sex thing with several guys (willingly) when as she got naked one of them said "Hey check out the fat pussy" at which time she fled in shame to my house, another friend sobbing to me about their fat and questioning their own state of hideousness (friend B, like friend A, - NOT HIDEOUS at all).
Friend C was and is a REALLY big girl. I love her dearly, but let me just say, she's really really big. She has some health problem that she says cause it, but in fact she also has some health problems because of it. I wouldn't emphasize how really really big she is, except it's important to the tale, as I am also a big girl I want to emphasize that this girl makes me feel petite. Back in the day when we used to go out to the clubs, it was a mystery to many of us HOW she could snag so many guys. She could ALWAYS hook up. Initially we thought that she was just getting lucky and hitting guys who were into the really large women (so called Chubby Chasers) and so that was nice for her. But then one night were hanging out with some guys we had seen around before and that she had hooked up with a few times but she wasn't with us. One of them asked us where she was. We said she wasn't out with us and expected it to drop but then they started talking about how they'd have to "find another one". And then when questioned, they explained how they (and some men apparently?) always hawk for the fattest girl in a bar, buy her drinks, treat her like a princess and then take her home and fuck the shit out of her because a fat girl will be SO grateful she'll do anything you want. ANYTHING. Very nice.
Friend D emailed me for a list of rides that I couldn't get in to at King's Island (I had told these stories at work as a joke so that it wasn't so sad to me apparently) because she didn't want to have to be embarrassed when she got there. I sent her the list.

These aren't really tales of amusement, these are sad things that happened to me and people I care about and love. I think about them a lot as I'm exersizing, as I'm eating my fat free yogurt, as I'm standing in line at Weight Watchers to weigh in praying that giant dinner at Outback didn't add a pound after I worked so hard all week.

But what I think about most is how did all of us get here? I didn't start out fat. I wasn't a fat kid. I was a really skinny kid. I'm learning a lot on my journey to the other side. I feel like I'm in the Swamp with Yoda. I'm learning that "normal" people get hungry between meals. In my first Weight Watchers meeting the leader asked "What does it feel like when you get hungry" and my friend joked "I don't know, I don't let it get that far." But that was true. Fat people don't let it get that far. I didn't realize it. I never let myself get hungry. Now I'm hungry all the time between meals. But it feels sort of good. I'm not sick with low blood sugar as though I didn't eat enough, I'm just sort of hungry as in "Hey I'm incredibly fat, go see if Shannon has some candy in her office." and I feel proud when I don't go.

There are things about our mindset that have to change, we fat girls. We have to stop eating. Seriously, that sounds so simple, but it's NOT. I have a coffee break every morning with a friend. I used to eat breakfast and get some coffee on my way in (load up the cream and sugar please) and THEN have a coffee break at 9:30 again with loaded coffee and eat some sort of sweet. Now I just eat a fat free yogurt with water, and then at break we share a biscotti and I drink BLACK coffee. Is that big deal? No. But it nearly freaking killed me the first two weeks. But now it's routine.

Also we have to stop thinking of how we can fit in treats. Stop eating the fucking treats, fat girls. In the Weight Watchers Complete Food Companion there are 11 pages of COOKIE point conversions. 11 pages! Everytime I can't find a damn food in there I get completely bitter. I think that they should change 10 of those pages to REAL food information, and on the 11th page just put a note with big black letters "HEY FAT GIRLS QUIT EATING THE COOKIES. THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SO FAT."

I'm not disparaging my people, but we all need a good smack to wake up. Instead of trying to figure out that we can fit in 11 cookies into our points, maybe we should just have two, enjoy them and then stop. We really have to work out. We have to change. Our bodies are crying out to us. They give us bad backs, acid reflux and issues with our blood sugar as warnings, but we don't listen.

I'm not completely idealistic about what I'm going to look like in one year. In April 2004 I went over 300 pounds while pregnant with my twins and now I'm about 50+ pounds lighter than that. Which is still much fatter than I'd like to be. But the truth is I'm built on a pretty big frame. I won't ever be a 2 unless you dress my skeleton up post mortem, and that's okay with me. I'd like to wear a 14 or a 16. I'd just like to be able to buy SOME things at Victoria's Secret. I don't mind if I still MOSTLY have to shop at Lane Bryant, but I'd like to be able to occasionally buy some things somewhere else, and not in the Matron's Department. I hope my health improves and my energy level goes up. And I hope I'm happy.

But mostly, I hope people quit screaming rude things at me from passing cars.

The Shoes Make the Woman........hurt

2007-02-16T11:00:00.000-08:00

I recently traversed a million miles for a business meeting that was very important.
I looked pretty tight - I must admit. When you're not petite, it's tough to find things that don't emphasize "HELLO - I HAVE ON BIG PANTS" so with the eminent good taste of my husband backing me up, I felt pretty comfortable that I looked as good as a girl weighing 265 is going to look. Nothing is going to make me look smaller - but I can look professional and like I'm on top of my game.
The icing on all clothes, as all you girls now, are the shoes.
Shoes say something.
They can say "This isn't important enough for me to be anything but comfortable" or they say "I'm Clarice Starling with a good bag and cheap shoes".....or any number of things.
I wanted shoes that said "I am woman, hear me roar."

So I wore these.
And here is the thing about that.

I'm actually pretty good in heels. HIGH high heels, however, are made for short walks, standing and sitting.

Not dragging your ass across multiple airports, out into parking lots that seem close but are not, etc.

They are not made for wearing for 17 hours straight.

Especially when you have been in sneakers and flats for weeks on end........

Heels take practice.

So here is my advice, and it's really not just for us big girls, it's to all girls.

Pack flats in your briefcase. Wear them while doing all your traversing and then slip your fantastic fashionista 3 inch high heels (2 1/2 inch? I don't know I didn't measure, they're high though) shoes on just prior to meeting your intended people.
When you are done, take them off.

While I was there, someone said to me "We all love your shoes but please tell us that they are killing your feet..........I can't believe you're done all this traveling in them!"

Mission accomplished. (Blisters accomplished too)

Wonderful Things

2007-02-15T15:22:00.000-08:00

I have spent the last 45 minutes at the Rec Center where I live, working my butt off. Literally. I start off with Cardio...I usually ride the bike. It's low impact, and my knees are shot from years of playing softball. I then hit every weight machine in the place. I alternate upper body and lower body. I'm telling you, I feel great!!

I have a few suggestions for websites to help you keep track of what you're doing. A few of them are listed on the side of this page. Traineo, Sparkpeople, Weight Watchers and I'm sure that there is another one that I have used, but I can't for the life of me think of the name of the site. I'm using Traineo now (again). I like it. It's easy to use. You can let others keep track of how you're doing as well. I think that it holds you accountable.

In my introduction, I said that I have huge goals. I think that it's important to point out that I also have small goals. Small goals help you get to you bigger ones. Even if they seem silly, a goal is a goal. If you can meet your goal, you are accomplishing something fantastic.

You are who you are. You can't change who you are on thie inside. You can't change your outside for anyone other than yourself. If you try to change for someone else, you'll fail every time. It just a fact of life.

Introductions

2007-02-14T07:38:00.000-08:00

Hello! My name is April. I too am fighting the fat, and am a contributor to this blog. I figured that I should introduce myself. I am Gidge's sister in law. I am a stay at home mom of two wonderful kids. Unfortunately, I'm still carrying the weight around from both kids.
I love chocolate. It's my kryptonite. I have huge goals. I just need motivation to get me there. I guess that's why I am here.

You are Beautiful, No Matter What They Say

2007-02-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

A huge part of your self image is how you look. You might say DUH to that, but a lot of people don't realize that they way they portray themselves to others radiates back at them in the way they are treated - thus enabling positive or negative self image. Anyone who says "I don't care what people think" is absolutely full of shit. You might not let it color your whole life - but you care, even if it's just a little.
One of the great disservices that occured is that the great bra burning generation (not dogging my feminist sisters) didn't impart the great wisdom of FOUNDATION GARMENTS to their daughters.
BE FREE, apparently was the message there.

Be free to sag, you mean.

While watching AMERICAN IDOL this year, I've seen a lot of missed foundation garment opportunities. The girl called Darwin who was clearly braless - with her great sagging and swaying tits. I swear to GOD I thought she was the living emodiment of South Park's MISS CHOKESONDICK. And I think she might have exuded confidence and sexiness even with her droopy boobs if she hadn't comported herself like a great clod.

So I guess what I'm saying is this. If you want to be a butchy girl, a tomboy or what have you, awesome excellent, please be comfortable. But if you want to be a girly girl - no matter what your size.......get yourself some DAMN FOUNDATION GARMENTS.

What are they?
Foundation garments got a bad rap with our generation (the 30 somethings) because they are old lady garments. Girdles, body briefers, long line bras. Wanna know what holds up a set of triple D boobs like you're Monroe? A LONG LINE BRA. The kind with straps. I'm not saying that you have to live your life smothered in Lycra......but check these things out. They work. I'm not a petite flower. I don't actually even OWN any of these things at this juncture in my life.
But I have and wore them as a much younger woman. They smooth out the lines of your dresses and suits, the make you somewhat of an hourglass shape. No, they aren't better than a tshirt and jeans but what is?

My point is, when you are big, it doesn't actually matter what your style is.

But you have to find yours. If you don't, you're just another frumpy fat girl in an oversized shirt and stretch pants. And who wants to be her?

I Hate the Mixed Messages

2007-02-12T21:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know why anyone feels the need to send us a mixed message, we big girls. I mean, good grief - we dress ourselves. We know we're not petite flowers. So who thinks that this is an appropriate magazine cover for a woman's magazine?

These ladies lost a bunch of weight.......here make some brownies, but watch out for the BELLY FAT disease! Seriously, what are you telling us?

I ranted over on the WANG the other day about this cover and I swear it irks me that I gave these twerps 1.49 for this crap. I mean, really - why do you have to patronize us? I like brownies....I might make your brownies. But I'm annoyed with all the patronizing crap on this cover.

We don't NEED this sort of crap. Big girls, it's okay to eat a brownie - don't get sucked in by this guilt.

However - eat one girls. ONE.

I know how it is........I could eat them all too. Since I've been at home for that past few weeks I've been eating more than one at every opportunity I promise you.

But that's the secret.

Have one.

And don't buy into the guilt.

Birth

2007-02-11T20:03:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to start this blog for a while. So while I sit here eating this fine chocolate cake from Publix I guess I should say that I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to proceed. I have a lot of ideas of how I want this blog - which is separate from my "regular" blog to feel and breathe.

So be patient. It might not be spectacular.....but it will be honest.