Tuesday, March 23, 2010

He Knows How Fat You Are

Posted by Gidge Mcneal at 8:12 PM 2 comments
I heard this "doctor" person on the radio the other day talking about cellulite. I put that parenthesis in, because I don't have his credentials in front of me and it could be a Dubious Doctor sort but regardless, they had him on talking about cellulite treatments.
Know what he said ?
He said they don't work.

That kind of made me laugh, because I always really thought they didn't work and I can't say why. I don't have some greater insight but he explained at length about how only diet and losing weight will actually reduce the amount of cellulite you carry but that even THAT might not reduce the dimpling of the cellulite that remains. Surgery (liposuction) is the only TRUE way to remove it short of dieting. It's hereditary, get over it girls.

But as he and the guy DJs were discussing it, one of the DJs says "You know, I just don't get why it's such a big deal." And the Doctor says,"I know. I never once looked at a woman naked for the first time and thought 'Hmmmm, no, too much cellulite...........'". And then they all traded tales of how they weren't a bit worried or bothered by it. That it wasn't something they SOUGHT OUT but that they really really really didn't care about it.

They pointed out - that it's almost 100% OUR PROBLEM as women. We hate it bcse we think they hate it. They in turn, can hardly give a fig.

This then, reminded me of a story - about 15 years old. Or more. Maybe 20. From back in the days when you had ANSWERING machines and only people who paid serious extra premiums on their phone bill had VOICE MAIL.

Once Upon a Time......at 4am.......my phone rang and my answering machine picked up.
I was alone, as my roommate worked 3rd shift. I thought it might be her so I woke up to listen.....it was a friend hundreds of miles away sobbing and sobbing and sobbing.......repeating "He LEFT! HE LEFT!!!"

So I jumped up and picked up the phone.......to have her recount this story.
Girl meets boy in bar. Boy buys girl drinks. One things leads to another. They go back to her place. Fooling around and nudity ensues........he goes to the bathroom. And then, she SWEARS - he left.
Now........there are a lot of explanations possible. He got sick and puked. She passed out drunk and time passed and she doesn't realize it........you get it. LOTS of possibilities. But she's sobbing on the phone, this girl I love like a sister, sobbing hysterically and asks me "Do you think he left because when I was naked he thought I was too fat?"

Don't laugh. She was serious.

In my heart, I wanted to reassure her that he knew EXACTLY how big her ass was and was not before he bought drink #1.. He KNEW the deal. He was INTO it or he wouldn't have spent a dime. No, some other explanation was more likely - no way did her suddenly lack of a swimsuit model body send him screaming into the streets. She isn't a beast anyway.

What is messed up is that we do this to ourselves, this mindless beating ourselves up over what we look like - so such an extent that a really explainable event (I'm going with he PUKED) becomes and indictment of our looks.

He knows how fat you are. And he doesn't care about your cellulite. If you care about it - put down the cookies. It's really that simple.

Monday, March 15, 2010

No Bake Cheese Cake - Without a Mix

Posted by Gidge Mcneal at 4:37 AM 1 comments
I got a really good recipe for No Bake Cheesecake that I thought I'd share!
No, not low fat.
So don't eat it all!

You take
  • 1 pkg Philly Cream cheese
  • 1/2 cup sour cream
  • 1/3 cup lemon juice
  • 1 can of eagle brand milk

and you mix it all up until it's smooth. Then you pour it into a large graham cracker crust and let it set up in the fridge a couple of hours. It's got a rich flavor that I think is tasty. The lemon gives it just a little bite!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

How To Make Alfredo Without a Recipe

Posted by Gidge Mcneal at 4:32 AM 0 comments
It's no secret that I can't cook.
So the few things I CAN cook tend to be shockingly good, and often I don't have a recipe.
I'm going to teach you how to make alfredo,the way I was taught.
No,it isn't low fat. Don't eat a gallon of it.

You'll need.
  • A carton of heavy whipping cream
  • Butter (or margerine - whatever, but butter is better)
  • Salt
  • Garlic powder (you can use fresh garlic but then it's YOUR recipe)
  • Parmesan Cheese (the kind in the green can, not fresh or again,it's YOUR recipe lol)

Pour the cream into a pan and turn on medium heat until it's warm but not bubbly. DO NOT LET IT BOIL.

Once it's reasonably hot, drop in about two TBSPs of butter/margerine and stir until they melt.

Now, this next part is all to taste. Remember, you can add more - you cannot TAKE OUT once it's in, so go light.

Shake in some garlic powder, sat and parmesan - and stir. Make sure the parmesan gets completely mixed and isn't stuck in lumpy bits. You might need to turn up the heat slightly to facilitate this.

Now, taste it.

Continue to add garlic powder and parmesan until you've used about 3/4 of the can of parmesan- or to the place where it tastes RIGHT to you. Remember, each time you add, stop, stir, get all the ingredients fully mixed and taste. If it's not right, add a little more.

The cream will thicken with the additions, and you'll find yourself realizing when the taste is where you want it pretty quickly. After it is where you want it, let it cook another five or ten minutes, stirring constantly, to thicken it further and voila.

Best Alfredo Ever.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Cereal That Rocks Me

Posted by Gidge Mcneal at 9:41 AM 2 comments
Ok so, when you're pregnant, it's important to remember that there is stuff you just gotta ingest daily for your own health and that of the baby. You need calcium (bcse if you don't get enough that little symbiant is gonna suck it right out of your bones) and the baby needs folic acid especially early on.

When I was pregnant with my twins, we travelled a lot - there were a lot of weekends at Disney as we lived about an hour away and it was great fun. But it's hard to get all the stuff you NEED at places like that sometimes - especially if, oh you're absentminded and forget your vitamins.

I know, none of you ever EVER messed up and forgot your prenatals on any given day - so this is clearly a message to us slackers out there. Yeah, I forgot my prenatals when we travelled to Disney.

Know what I learned? Captain Crunch cereals contain 100% of your RDA of Folic acid! Guess what other cereals pack in that much? Pretty much none of them - except things like Total and others that are very health conscious. But let's just say you are marooned in kidland. You're trying to obtain folic acid in your first trimester without the aid of vitamins. Oranges, orange juice.......and Voila - CAPTAIN CRUNCH.






Yes, it's got sugar. Lighten up. ONE BOWL OF CEREAL will neither rot your teeth nor make you weigh 800 pounds. It's 150 calories with vitamin D milk for 3/4 cup of cereal. That's plenty.

Right it's got carbs. Carbs aren't going to hurt you. Ask a dietician. Don't LIVE on carbs.

Moderation in all things my friends. If we could learn that - we wouldn't have to diet at all, now would we?

Captain Crunch is delicious, it tastes like a ridiculous treat and it isn't all that bad for you. It's not as good for you as a bowl of broccoli but it tastes about 10000 time better.

Guess waht I love for breakfast this pregnancy?

You got it - Captain Crunch.

Deeelish.

But no, I don't forget my prenatals anymore.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Maternity Pants For The Win

Posted by Gidge Mcneal at 9:34 AM 0 comments
Ok so did you know that maternity pants have DRAMATICALLY changed? Well they have. First off, it's next to impossible to find maternity clothes unless you are a size 10 so kudos to Motherhood Maternity for making that possible.
You'd think Walmart would get on that bandwagon considering the large number of fat-asses THEY have as clients (we know who we are - don't we girls?) and anway, last time I bought maternity pants, damn -they had that big old weird panel in the front that never was in the right place or was the right size until, oh say the LAST two weeks of pregnancy.


But no - this new secret fit style of maternity pants is genius.
They just simply stretch and give all around so that even at 5 months pregnant they FIT and stretch and don't fall down, which rules. I can't believe what a difference they make.

It almost makes maternity clothes fun.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Wearing of the Clown Pants

Posted by Gidge Mcneal at 9:54 AM 1 comments
Sigh.
I'm 20 weeks pregnant and I'm in my REGULAR clothes.
Why?
BECAUSE I've lost weight. You might think I'd be all happy and excited but I'm not.
From what I can tell this is just justifying my husband's ascertation that my pants were big like clown pants.

And denying me my last round of maternity clothes.

Dammit.

My doctor is thrilled. He's SO damn happy with my weight loss.

Sigh.

I WANT MY MATERNITY CLOTHES!

Monday, November 23, 2009

So Lay Off Those Oreos

Posted by Gidge Mcneal at 7:57 PM 0 comments
When I went for my 8 week prenatal appt, my OBGYN (who I had only met once) sat and lectured me sternly about my weight and my weight gain etc etc and how he didn't want me gaining more than 15 pounds blah blah blah blah blah.

He have me lots of advice (TAKE WALKS duh) and other stuff - including LAY OFF THE OREOS which I have found hilarious and I must confess that every time I eat something I should not, I remind myself that I was forbidden from OREOS - not say SNICKERS, et al.

But when I stood up - and he saw me........he said rather shocked that based on my weight he had expected to see a much "bigger" woman......and that he didn't know how much weight I was carrying in my chest but it had to be considerable.

I translate that as doctor talk for OMG YOU HAVE HUGE BOOBS.

I swear to GOD after this baby comes I might get them done.

Anyone want some extra boob?
 

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